visiting love II

a quick visit to the beach - a place i once used to hang out with other teenagers when I visit Bintulu.

visiting love I

Location: Palm Oil Estate in Sarawak
Job Title: Waste Manager
Job Description: to make palm oil compost. to increase per day output from one ton to ten tonnes
(pic above: driving in a ninja cruising in town, house behind is company's 'hotel' which he visits when he comes to Bintulu)
(pic below: adding 'dirty water' to the fibre, among some of the manual work he has to do)

cuzzies before n' after.

When I went back for my grandparent's big birthday bash, I realized I haven't seen some of my family members for quite some time, mainly these cuzzies. The family gathering was nice, with rOsh meeting all the folks for the first time, and my cina-gang all trying to speaka-england to him, it was hilarious. One of my uncle who reminded that east malaysian only adopted malay 10 years after west malaysia, thus all the folks his age can still speak good english. His best joke was "the reason we can speak london is because our family is from U.K = ulu kapit" (kapit is a small town upriver, 3 hours away from sibu. people usually go there as a stop to travel further into the interior which can only be accessed by river)

:)

my Naw-Ruz...

From hiking up in the mountain to visit the Wakal Baha'i community, to campfire with jokes and songs at night, and a wheel coming OUT on the way back in a van, my Naw-Ruz was just great! =)

a new song I've learnt: (will sing it upon request ;-)

I'll sing with you
teach with you
play with you
and laugh
But it won't be long
I have to go

The times we have
I'll treasure them
Memories will remain
and say the word we knew
Allah'u'Abha

There's a place
for you all in my heart
a place where love can grow
Baha'u'llah knows
coz it shows and we'll...

Teach the cause
Baha'u'llah's faith
'til we reach
every place
and say the word we knew
Allah'u'Abha

Joyous Naw-Ruz!!

19 days of fasting has gone... another half an hour, I'll be breaking fast and celebrating Naw-Ruz with my new Philippino friends, exciting-nya!!
Would like to wish everyone who's reading this blog, Bahai' or not, a very very joyous Naw-Ruz. May the new breath of spring fresh air brings you another year of purpose, filled with joy and happiness. ;-)

"...the Báb ordained the month of ‘Alá to be the month of fasting, decreed that the day of Naw-Rúz should mark the termination of that period, and designated Naw-Rúz as the Day of God. Bahá’u’lláh confirms the Badí calendar wherein Naw-Rúz is designated as a feast.
Naw-Rúz is the first day of the new year. It coincides with the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere, which usually occurs on 21 March. Bahá’u’lláh explains that this feast day is to be celebrated on whatever day the sun passes into the constellation of Aries (i.e. the vernal equinox), even should this occur one minute before sunset. Hence Naw-Rúz could fall on 20, 21, or 22 March, depending on the time of the equinox."

tidak halal ni!

YSG met a student who's doing her undergrad on slaughterhouse, and she invited him to follow her to her fieldwork. that night, at 2am, we took a taxi to this dark corner of the market, busy in the day, quiet in the night..until, u get down of the taxi and smell the distinct stench. yes..a familiar stench. during my childhood my family lived in a government's quarter by a stream where the slaughterhouse/pig farms were upriver. only when we walked to the stream we could smell that stench..

anywayz, it was quite a sight. 25 men at work. all killing pigs. knocking their heads with big hammers until the pig stopped grunting and struggling, then cut them apart. More gruesome photos and videos i've got, but that's all i'll put here.
some photos of the market, having dinner with my housemate - ysg, mary (the owner) and jenny (she's 8 months pregnant, due anytime next week), and the sunrise scene from my window which i see every morning while eating my breakfast.

This morning we interviewed a lady who works in an NGO that organizes the urban poor people, and also the street vendors. She shared her struggles in the NGO, and also some difficulties faced working with the government and the vendors.
yesterday, i got Mary to do a reflective interview with me, who's also the research assistant for ysg's project.. she's an activist, also a theatre practitioner. everytime, it touches me when i meet people who are so concerned with humanity, pure hearted people who just want to make the lives of OTHER people better.

"it is difficult to gain their trust at first, who are we to come and want to do research on their lives? why should they reveal part of their lives to us, in the name of research?" "many of them have very simple dreams, they don't hope for anything more but to be able toe at 3 times a day, and their biggest pride is to be able to send their children to school" - Mary.

with the lady we interviewed this morning, we found out that some vendor, who's also the head of some vendors' association, been collecting money from other vendors, claiming that protection can be given. street vendors here face possibility of their stalls being demolished anytime, reason because of the anti-peddling law, and vendors aren't supposed to vend by the streets because they are public spaces.

suddenly it dawned on me, vendor or no vendor, there will always be a minority (or even majority) of people trying to take advantage of the others. the lady uses the word 'unity' a lot, referring to the collaboration between associations, etc. my thought was, if the driving force to 'unite', is mainly material - to get more $, for better house and better job (which definitely IS essential for a living), maybe the result will usually be less up to the expectation. YSG told me that he met few vendors who's faith plays an important role in their lives, which probably is the key reason that keep them going. Many vendors are Muslim Philippinos fled from Mindanao, their stories are truly heart-wrenching...

the name of the project we're working on:
"Being a Street Vendor: A critical ethnographic study of Sidewalk Capitalism in Baguio City."

glimpse of my baguio life...

can't really call it my "life" here yet considering i'm only here for the past .. err.. 2 days. but it's been interesting. the living room and the bedroom is where i live, with a lady named Mary. YSG, aka my 'boss', ehhe, he's the one making the documentary here and i'm just assisting in some edit work. that's my work station. and the scenery u can see is this morning when i wake up eating my bread for breakfast - looking at the sunrise from my window. beautiful isn't it.. and the nightshot i took last night at some mall, after watching this baha'i guy, Arliz performed in a cafe. This saturday i will be meeting some Baha'is there as he's having another concert. oh yeah, i cooked today! eheh.. ysg instructed me, but i must say i'm a fast learner. hehe..felt nice eating my own dish, and mama's secret sarawakians belacan ingredient which i brought along. :)

more info on baguio

dr.yeoh's the one who invited me over to help edit his ethnographic documentary, part of the paper he has to write for getting the grant from Nippon Foundation. Have a look at his blog

a University Town

travelled the whole day:4 hours of flight, 5 hours of bus ride up the mountain. I'm now at the highest city in Philippines - introducing Baguio.
I'm staying with a lady who built her own house, like many other local people, they're very creative with their designs, very colorful, and very DIY. I gotta show some pics of the house. I'll be sleeping in the attic sort of space. looking out of the window, I can see night lights of the city. and it's coooooldd..!! probably about 5km above sea level, this place is packed with young people who came from all over Philippines to study in the local universities here. It's a mixture of Sikkim - how the houses are built along the slopes, Bukit tinggi - up the hill and near a volcano, Cameron - the weather, the freshness, Ranau - up up up the mountain overlooking other hills. really, am already loving the place.
Had dinner at some live band restaurant. When we were kids, during special occasions or when dad's in a good mood, the family gets to go to a hotel to listen to live Philippino band. right now, it's just EVERYWHERE. English is widely spoken here, and signboards are colorful. Heard lots of how diverse the cultures here are, looking forward to take photographs during the day. also can't wait to check out their clubs, and meet some Baha'i friends. :-)

baguio

baguio, here I come! finally, in another 4 hours time, i'm supposed to wake up to head to the airport..yupp, for my flight to philippines. i never thought of going philippines, mayb because i don't know anyone there, also i don't really hear much of philippines besides the occasional political unrest. must say, the opportunity arises that i get to visit a friend, to help with a little documentary work, and also for a few day's break. another break u may say, hehe. but somehow i feel like i needed it - really looking forward to it. hopefully fasting won't be too difficult for me, have to wake up earlier, and crossing my fingers that the weather won't be a killer. but i'll get to celebrate naw ruz there!! YEAAAhhh.....!!

more pics comin' up! ;-)

good game

today, i finally reached the height of enjoying soccer. gosh, henry da man. liverpool vs. arsenal. sadly, the team i adopted lost. but gosh it was just *beautiful* to watch him play... ^_^

kill time

Here I am, trying to kill time. its 645pm, the clock ticked away fast - maybe because i was doing work, maybe because i was staying indoor: a rather comfortable warehouse-turned-office place.
yesterday, i finally walked into this production house to do the job my fren passed on to me. besides it being a rather easy job for the amount i'm getting paid for, i made new friends (who constantly try to feed me and think that i'm on this massive diet) and got to learn couple of new stuffs. after 10hours of just cutting and pasting images around, i went home feeling 'careerly-fulfilled'. it's been sometime i felt like i've "worked". ahha. *this 'ability' of mine to work 12 hours straight, i shouldn't even be proud of it 'cause it's not something i would propagate. but it does come in handy when needed*

i went online to read up what's this company all about. they've only been around 4 years, have always worked on tv commercials of which some were award-winning. the director who i worked with won some major advertising award for an ad he directed. cool. and just the other day at the animator's training we discussed about the influence of advertising on today's younger generation. (i sensed an immediate test from Upthere.)

the major difference between this company and the previous one i worked in, is gender. it's like 99% male! only 2 girls i see around. one's a freelancer, and another in-house girl who so happened to be my senior in college. 'was it difficult being around men all the time?' she forced a smile.

nevertheless i m still rather attracted to the surroundings. probably is the adrenaline rush of the work, or the jobs they get to do... all the big big client. ha!
oh..gotta get back to work - more changes to do. =/

one step at a time...

Today, two people said this to me:
"Have confidence. You can do it." this is a guy I hardly know, the hi-and-bye type of friend you know. He passed on a job he couldn't do for me, and was running through everything as detailed as he could with me. it's either that's his nature of being very specific, or he's just worried that I might not perform up to the expectation of the client. whichever it was, I was very grateful that a stranger was being so nurturing and patient with me.

Another friend:
"I really can't go. You have to do it alone."
Nooooo....I don't want to go alone!
"You have to. Be strong."
I gulped and closed my eyes, probably I won't go with him, I'll get someone else to accompany me.
Alright, that's cheating.

I realized I do depend on Rosh A LOT when he was around. When he left, the things that were running in my head were "I have to do everything alone now?"
I mean, I wasn't even living with my parents at the first place, of course most things I have been doing all by myself. To tell you the truth, there are few things I *dread* doing. Namely, dealing with people from the bank, credit card, insurance, govt dept, mechanic, customer service etc. Rosh usually handles for & with me.

"You've got it all, what's holding you back?"
Me? Got it all? Why didn't I think of that? A huge hammer just knocks my head and I can see birdies circling me.

Things have been a little rough on my side. Mainly, the material side. Going through everyday, doing things I enjoy and taking my time, it was fabulous! Yet reality bites when the end of the month comes. Freelancing definitely is not a bed of roses. Yet I seriously could not complain. How can I ever allow myself to be down because of $?! Be thankful in adversity... I joked to a friend, 40 years down the road maybe I'll look back and say gosh, when I was 23, I didn't even have enough to pay my rent.

Baha'u'llah is very kind to me. I got two calls after that.

4 blocks away...

He walked four blocks away from his place to get reception, so he could call. He wondered where she was. The dogs were coming out. It was dark and there were lots of mosquitoes. Still, nobody picked up his call.
===========
The phone buzzed. It was on silent mode. From the corner of my eyes I could see that the phone suddenly switched off - the characteristic of an old phone - a battery life that is shorter than a movie.

Finally the meeting was over, I checked both of my phones (a trend among many klang valley users these days), and the one that wasn't dead had 3 missed calls from him. I read his two messages. My heart sank. He left. I called.

Called.

And called.

There was no reception. My heart sank again.
===========
Guess it's the kind of pain where you're all tied up, and you can't express your uncomfort because your mouth is also covered. In my case, I felt totally crippled because no matter what I do, I could not get him. Despite so... I know, like myself, he'll be thinking of me too. Probably we will meet in our dreams. =)

Does distance make the heart grows fonder?

depends.

if the relationship does not have a strong foundation, or did not share enough 'close-proximity-memories' together, then suddenly they have to survive on a LDR (long distance relationship), it will be tough. meaning, if you only went out with the gal/guy for a couple of months then one of you have to go away, it is hard because there's many things you did not get to do together like other couples.

i went out with a guy after meeting him for a month plus, he's great, and we kept in touch after i left for studies. then we decided that we could actually give this relationship a shot - on the basis that we will be with each other again after i graduate, and in between getting to see each other. well, it went alright for a year and a half, until our memories together start fading away. in total of the 547.5 days that we were so-called in a relationship, we probably spent less than 30 days in person, together. do u call that a relationship? technically yes. because you share the connection, you are committed to each other. yet to my definition, maybe it isn't quite a full-flesh relationship as well.

the next relationship was what i wanted more. (call me conforming to the norm whatsoever) i was in college, he was in uni, we were both studying, and we assist in each other's assignments, test each other during exams, took the bus and stuck for hours of jam to see each other, spent a bomb on a fancy dinner for special occasions, learnt to deal with each other's family, skipped classes for movies, broke, then slowly when i got a car, i graduate, i got a job, he too moves on, and we are still part of each other's lives.

i find it important to be sharing the same space with the person you are 'acquainted' to - that is how best you can learn the characters and attitude of each other. over the phone or over the net sometimes u juz really couldnt read the person's emotion or true response.

nevertheless, every relationship works in a mysterious way. it's an organic form, never a time u can say "we did it. this is it. our relationship is perfect." NEVER. constantly we need to be nurturing each other, helping each other to grow, work together, learn about each other...

"Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble, and there is always time." Baha'i Writings

catch time flying!

people i met on the train, places i'd been, friends i miss, colleagues became friends, sleeping on the beach...

Finally...I decided to look back.

I'm still in denial! I can't believe year 2005 has passed by. I didn't want to look back and say, gosh, what have I done? Or, what have I NOT done? plenty.. then I searched thru my old blog, and found this:


Tuesday, January 04, 2005

alright..looking back at my past year 2004. what have i done?

1. january - half way thru book 6, ended only monthsss later
2. february - climbed mountain kinabalu, had a month long of break and holiday. awesome.
3. march - went thru 19 days of fasting, hope all it's 'accepted'.
4. april - had a cool open-mic birthday party for myself to celebrate my friends'talents. ha!
5. may - completed a corporate documentary for a local ngo - yellow house, for my final sem project, n the client was very pleased. it was very heartening.
6. june - finished my final semester and is officially a bum. allowed a crew of people shooting ghost story in my apartment.
7. july - weeks of english classes with a group of taiwanese junior youth, taught me patience and MORE patience.
8. august - traveled alone back to Yasothon and Bangkok and Chiangmai, for a trip i treat myself before i officially start work.
august 16 - my first day of work, receiving my first pay slip at end of the month
9. september .. (somewhere along i tried out for the globe trekker search for a host, was looking forward to b 1 of d finalists)
10. october - my convocation. also my first car accident. i knocked someone on my first drive alone downtown kl, burst my side light. also attended my first live concert ever. alicia keys rock!!
11. november - arrived at a country previously wasn't on my list - Indonesia. a short visit to Medan and my friends.
12. december - visited mr.CoolGuy and his grandma in Indonesia. (one of the craziest thing i've ever done, to go back and forth indonesia twice in a month's time). to get knocked by women in silver waja twice. (and none of it is my fault!!)

well.. a glance at it all, looks like i haven't made much impact to humanity. haha.. i basically did lotsa fun stuff, crazy stuff, n made my year a rather exciting one as well. stepping into working world from college life..was quite a switch for me. must say i've passed the "teething" phase. now settling in rather alright, and hope to keep myself focused on the positive sides. right now, my schedule is such that there is a routine to my week, futsal tops the list, and hopefully a more consistent devotional gatherings, study classes come into the picture as well. not forgetting, time alone at home, (clean the house, read more, just spending quality time alone), and movie nights with friends. CG is entering another phase right now. though still has one last subject pending, he will be starting work and from there, i foresee that there'll be another adjustment for the two of us.

a happy 2005 year to u there. ;-) [CG = Mr.CoolGuy, what i used to call him in my old blog, hehe]
===============================

the year of 2005, reminds me of work. not a bad thing, but when I re-read what I wrote in my blog, I was quite morbid. half the time feeling empty, half the time dreading going to work. but of coz, i've learnt a lot at work, made great friends and formed good relationships, no regrets. I figured when one is put to immense pressure, the learning curve is much steeper.

January - March : I was editing 1.2.3, a young-parenting show. I survived, also made it thru fasting month. got my pilgrimage dates, have to start 'prepare' myself spiritually, also to *save up*.
April - July: edited one full season of 3R. rather proud of it, though the thought of continuing does scare me. I miss the whole team spirit, it was great. and I'm truly grateful for the learning opportunity working in Red. Also, the time I finished my Ruhi book 7. was having quite a routine life then. monday night, futsal; tuesday and thursday nights, Ruhi; friday, stress coz have to finalize the episode; weekends, more activities.
August: finally quit my job. 4th of August. couple weeks of joblessness did freak me out. but i took time off, and slowly, jobs start trickling in.
September: I've never felt as busy, it was really fulfilling. I took on few freelance projects at the same time, having to force myself to save for my upcoming travels that I'm so looking forward to. R finally graduated too. I picked up Adobe Indesign and learnt some book layout design. I got Ally, my new com that accompanies me thru rain and shine.
October - November: China, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia. lovely!
December: holiday season.. meeting friends, who come and go. feeling that the world is getting smaller and smaller.

2006...
- hoping to gain as much exposure in film/vdo.. and not just confined to editing.
- one short film, one documentary.
- self-teach softwares to enhance skills.
- focus on junior youth training/gatherings, also incorporating more arts.
- pilgrimage and hoping to travel out of asia.

=======================

'The diverse peoples of the world may be seen as points scattered on the outer surface of a sphere with Baha'u'llah at its centre, at its core. There are forces in the world that are trying to pull all the points towards one pole, bringing them together in what is claimed to be a universal culture. But, when this happens, the points only move from one place on the surface of the sphere to another, and their distance from the centre, their distance from Baha'u'llah, does not change. On the other hand, if each one of these points, if each of these peoples, is allowed to move along its own direct path towards Baha’u’llah, they will naturally come closer to one another. Their cultures will change and be enriched as they each make contributions to the emergence of a world civilization’

snippetsss

went for a baha'i winter school. we don't have winter here, but for the baha'is, there will always be 'winter' and 'summer' schools, disregard where it's held. it's similar to conferences, but less serious and it's not a meeting. there will be talk sessions, workshops for different age group, games and social nights. this year, the central region is organizing a winter school but because it's a holiday season, many families travelled from afar to come n share the spirit. more than 1000 people were present. just some pics of me n friends...




i have the privilege to be part of a production team that will be documenting stories from early believers of the Baha'i Faith. Mrs. Teresa Chee is one of the 4 daughters to the very first enlightened believer of the Faith, Mr. Yan Kee Leong, whom we more fondly known as uncle Yankee. aunty chee is a natural speaker, she flows her story well without having us to prompt her, and it was really captivating to see her speak! with so much joy, spirit, and emotions, her stories brought us back to the old days when there were a handful of baha'is in malaysia. the 3 of us listened to her intently, as though we were part of the history. for a separate project, i went n visit the asli kampong near tanjung rambutan. half n hour on a hilly road ride, we arrived at the village. the picture of the house, is actually a baha'i centre built by the aslis, and that's the interior. it's really cool, i love these kinda houses.

christmas eve

the weather is sooo nicee..! woke up early for a friendly futsie tournament on grass - more like a little garden patch right beside national centre. we played 4 per team, and after beating 3 teams, my team got first! hooray! probably the first time ever i got first place in any sports i play. =P well, it's still in the spirit of the game no doubt. fun. fun. fun.

came back slept all the way till 9, finally got to speak to mum for a bit, still in a daze, hoping to do something fun for tonight, countdown or watever, but yea, looks like i might just b sticking at home, blogging. ha..

no 'deep' thoughts at the moment. only concern is to get this freaking profile video that hav been working on for the past one year DONE! o dear.. *pray hard*

merry christmas ya'all. =)