surpRISe!

my jungle boy got someone to deliver these beautiful flowers to me few days back. it was an attempt to surprise me as i've always joked how predictable he can be when it comes to buying gifts. this time, the florist had to call me for directions to come to my office, as early as 9am when i was still in bed! as you can see, the surprise didnt quite turn out. *smilz* nevertheless, it was still a beautiful anniversary despite the umpteen times my colleagues came knocking at my door, teasing or giggling at me.

during my adolescence, i came across this magazine that asked, what would u prefer - anticipation or surprise. some people love the feeling of anticipation, it is a blissful period as you are filled with hope and your heart is dilated with joy, anticipating the coming of something good. it is a period, not a day, or an hour, or a minute, which usually is how long a surprise would take. i asked myself why most people love to be surprised when that excitement is short-termed, while anticipation serves longer.

a girlfriend of mine was planning to surprise a good friend of ours who's getting married, by showing up at the hen nite which she told that she would not be able to attend due to family commitments. because she came back from some place far, it is only seemly that the girls should spend quality time together at this wonderfully planned party. the bride was of course not too happy of her absence, and definitely disappointed. my theory is this, even if the surpriser turns up on the night of the party, the bride may just feel excited for that moment, but before the day arrives, she will only remember the disappointment, letdown by her close friend. SO, for that one moment of "surprise!!", is it worth it to risk breaking someone's heart? maybe not so serious, maybe just a tinge of bitterness.

it turns out... when the surpriser touched down at the airport, she found the bride waiting for her to pick her up, taking the opportunity to catch up as the bride still thinks that the surpriser won't be there at the party. when she sees her at the doorstep, they were thrilled. then i think to myself, how beautiful their friendship is. what bitterness? when the heart is open and ready to love, u will forgive, and u will continue to give. coolness.

today, a darling friend of mine came back from a land far east, and surprised me while i was having dinner at an open air stall. i haven't been surprised for a looooong time, HA! and i literally jumped up and we screamed, we hugged. i actually had goosebumps. man, is that why people like to be surprised? that adrenaline rush. *phew* well, tho the excitement was temporary, the joy stays.

looking forward to my next surprise. :-)

girlfriends

I have always commented that I have more male friends than females. Maybe it was my character (more boyish, direct or even rough), maybe I find the male species easier for me to be frank with (I'm more wary if I'd say something wrong to a girl and hurt her feelings), and somehow I always just end up hanging out with guys, more than girls.

Seeking myself deep down, I put the barrier maybe because of unpleasant experiences I have with girlfriends. maybe because of a certain expectation we have for each other when a group of girls come together and call themselves 'best friends'. I probably was rather hurt or dejected then, which till today, I'd rather spend my free time with boys who mostly don't dwell on petty matters and just enjoy their company.

It is a fear I should overcome, with grace, detachment and courage. After all, over the years I have had many close girlfriends who deeply touched my heart, and still are.

Last night, I couldn't get any of the boys to have dinner with me, but I knew I wanted to spend it with friends I hardly see. So I called up two female friends of mine whom I used to work with and eventually became good friends with, we had dinner at one of the girls' house, and just catch up bit about work and things we've been up to. Though they're like a decade older than me, but I was surely grateful to have sisters like 'em who do look out for me, and advise me. We laughed, teased, cheered and it was just joyful to be together.

Later online, I got a belated birthday wish from my friend, Sheila, who's also like a sister to me: [edited]

Darling, Ah-gerl!
Happy Birthday!!! You deserve a really happy, relaxing, stress-free, loving day for a present from the Powers that Be.... (not me ah!) You are a very .... [self praise is no praise i guess, haha] I love you very much and wish only the best for you. I wish i could give u a BIG HUG right now... miss you girl!!! (getting all emotional nowlah!)

Take care of yourself and be good, ok?? I love you.

============== I miss you too!

It's a beautiful friendship when you know you are excited to see your friends. and to all the many girl friends who have touched my life (yes... many of you), I want to thank you for your love, your patience, your gentleness, your warmth, your laughter, most importantly, for being there.

some changes.

- it's May, half a year has passed. 12th day of Ridvan: He continued His journey to Constantinople on this day 143 years ago.
- my fren clarice actually bunked with me for more than a month, (and amazingly she actually didn't get onto my nerve at all!) and today she moved out. coming back to my room, suddenly feels like there's more space, less things. also less one person to talk to.
- a new housemate, young chap who works in some wireless broadband company. looks like internet will be free under this roof.
- officially drove to bukit bintang to work for one month now. i survived, and am still enjoying it.
- a year older i am. instead of an open mic like the past 2 years, i had a game night with friends. no difficult-to-prepare food, just nice companionship, and friends together. :)

my travel bug is slowly creeping back, itching me to go somewhere. some island would be perrrfect.