one step at a time...

Today, two people said this to me:
"Have confidence. You can do it." this is a guy I hardly know, the hi-and-bye type of friend you know. He passed on a job he couldn't do for me, and was running through everything as detailed as he could with me. it's either that's his nature of being very specific, or he's just worried that I might not perform up to the expectation of the client. whichever it was, I was very grateful that a stranger was being so nurturing and patient with me.

Another friend:
"I really can't go. You have to do it alone."
Nooooo....I don't want to go alone!
"You have to. Be strong."
I gulped and closed my eyes, probably I won't go with him, I'll get someone else to accompany me.
Alright, that's cheating.

I realized I do depend on Rosh A LOT when he was around. When he left, the things that were running in my head were "I have to do everything alone now?"
I mean, I wasn't even living with my parents at the first place, of course most things I have been doing all by myself. To tell you the truth, there are few things I *dread* doing. Namely, dealing with people from the bank, credit card, insurance, govt dept, mechanic, customer service etc. Rosh usually handles for & with me.

"You've got it all, what's holding you back?"
Me? Got it all? Why didn't I think of that? A huge hammer just knocks my head and I can see birdies circling me.

Things have been a little rough on my side. Mainly, the material side. Going through everyday, doing things I enjoy and taking my time, it was fabulous! Yet reality bites when the end of the month comes. Freelancing definitely is not a bed of roses. Yet I seriously could not complain. How can I ever allow myself to be down because of $?! Be thankful in adversity... I joked to a friend, 40 years down the road maybe I'll look back and say gosh, when I was 23, I didn't even have enough to pay my rent.

Baha'u'llah is very kind to me. I got two calls after that.